


I love you, Say yes

by softboyme



Series: Because we are young and we love [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: ??? I think?, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, I Tried, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, idk is this really angst??, it's been too long I've forgotten how to do this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 23:17:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13937538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softboyme/pseuds/softboyme
Summary: „Why don’t you just ask him to spend some time with you then, friends can do that you know.“And of course Jihoon knows. He’s fully aware and has been trying to convince himself of this for at least a week now, probably.But he doesn’t want to be just friends! He wants something more, something he can’t have, and it’s making him all nervous and shit.





	I love you, Say yes

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have no idea what this is supposed to be or where it came from, but it's taken me months and I finally finished it! So here you go, I hope you like it.  
> I'm worried some of the members were portrayed a bit too different from how they're actually perceived in real life, but I think that's because I started this when I was quite new to the fandom and it just did't feel right to change it too much now. Anyway, I did my best and it's been too long.

It's around 6 pm on a Wednesday when Jihoon musters up the courage to get out of bed and go search for Jisoo. He knew Jisoo had dance practice with someone from the performance team earlier; apparently, he had some difficulty with their most recent choreography. Though Jihoon hadn't really paid much attention to who he would practice with or for how long. He'd been too tired from staying up all night in the studio. He fell asleep almost immediately after getting back to the dorm. Jisoo had pulled him aside to feed him, before tucking him into bed, while telling him that he should take better care of himself with a caring voice. Jihoon probably wouldn't say it out loud, but if Jisoo hadn't done that he would have slept uncomfortably on the couch, or maybe even the hallway floor. Luckily Jisoo was a great friend and Jihoon felt truly fortunate to have him.  
  
Which is why it wouldn’t be weird for Jihoon to ask him to get a slurpee with him. They were friends. Friends go get slurpees together, right? Yeah. Nothing weird about it, nope. Nothing. As Jihoon went through every room in the dorm searching for Jisoo, he could feel his self-esteem crumbling with every second that passed. He quickly stuck his head into the bathroom, earning a surprised squeak from Jun who was in there. Not there either. He sighed heavily, willing his nerves to calm down. Jisoo is his friend! Why is he so nervous to ask this of him? They're just two boys going out for slurpees. Two guy friends. Two bros ... Jihoon's quickly running out of synonyms. It dawns on him then, as he confirms Jisoo's absence from yet another room, that maybe that's his problem. That they're both boys.  
  
He's no fool (at least he won't admit to being one). He knows that there's nothing wrong with not being straight, although he's also aware of how many others view it. And their opinions aren’t always pleasant. More often than not it seems to be the opposite actually. At least where he's from. And maybe that has shaped him in some way. Probably. It's very likely, he thinks.  
  
He runs a hand through his hair, a gesture of defeat as he finds himself standing by the front door. He's looked through the whole apartment, successfully ignoring all the loitering members as they asked him questions about what he's doing, or what he's looking for. He wasn't in the mood for small talk. Or any kind of talk really. He just wanted a slurpee, and preferably he wanted it while hanging out with his good friend Jisoo. And just as he's started to accept his fate, the front door opens. In walks Soonyoung, followed by none other than Joshua Hong. They're both sweaty, Jihoon figures that they must have been dancing for hours. Way too long for it to be healthy probably. A voice, scarily similar to Jisoo's, at the back of his head, reminds him how hypocritical he's being. He gladly spends twelve hours in the studio, nonstop. He decidedly ignores it. He hopes that they at least took some well-deserved breaks.  
  
"Jihoon?" The red-haired boy blinks his eyes rapidly. His inner monologue cut off by Soonyoung. "What are you doing out here in the hallway?" Jihoon moves his eyes from Soonyoung to Jisoo, and back again to Soonyoung. "Uh, I ... I don't know" Real smooth Jihoon. It comes out more as a question, and all Jihoon can do is hope that they won't pry any further. What would he say? 'Oh, I was just waiting for Jisoo to come home again, like some lovesick puppy!' No, they really couldn't ask again. Lucky enough Soonyoung just snorts seemingly amused, before taking off his shoes and heading for the bathroom. Probably to take a much-needed shower.  
  
"You okay?" Jisoo's voice is soft and comfortable, like a blanket wrapping around Jihoon and pulling him in for a warm embrace. He has to look away from Jisoo's face before he says or does something he'll regret. "Ah, yeah. Yeah, e-everything's good. Fine. Yeah" and he cringes as he hears the words leaving his mouth. It doesn't sound convincing at all. It sounds lame, and almost like a cry for help. Almost. Once again he's relieved to find that it doesn't seem like he'll be pushed any further on the subject. The older simply starts removing his jacket, followed by his shoes.  
  
That's when he notices it. In his left hand, Jisoo is holding a plastic cup. Jihoon just stares at it, lets his gaze follow it as Jisoo lifts his arm up to put the straw between his lips and suck on it. And if Jihoon wasn't already busy trying to cope with the pain and betrayal he's experiencing, from the slurpee currently going into Jisoo's mouth, he probably would have realized how hot Jisoo actually looked. Sucking gently on the straw that's placed between his plump lips, his cheeks hollowing slightly as he worked on emptying the transparent plastic cup. He quickly turned on his heels, just wishing he could go back to sleep already. But stopped in his tracks as his ears picked up on a barely there, approving noise. It could have easily been mistaken for a moan, but he knew it was more likely to be Jisoo enjoying his frozen treat. Blissfully unaware of Jihoon's misery. He walked away quickly.  
  
\-----  
  
It's around 10:30 pm on a Thursday and the members are all home. They had ordered chicken and spent a couple hours all together watching a movie while eating. It had been fun, Jihoon secretly loved moments like that. They were nice and he committed them to memory, saving them deep in his heart. Now though they were all spread out, somewhere taking a nap, some watching TV and what not.  Jihoon didn't really care. He'd made up his mind, he would give Jisoo a second chance. Okay, so maybe it wasn't really fair to put it like that, the elder didn't even know about Jihoon's wishes. Why wouldn't he go get a slurpee with Soonyoung after practice? That didn't stop Jihoon from moping about it though. He was driving himself crazy with jealousy, /he/ was the one supposed to go out with Jisoo!  
  
It's not like Jisoo is his or anything, although Jihoon /is/ making it sound like he sometimes thinks of him like that. He'll admit as much. He can't help it though! He had spent hours lying in bed yesterday, coming up with the perfect evening for the two of them. After Jihoon had found him and asked the dreaded question, Jisoo would smile that heart melting smile of his and follow him out into the hallway. Maybe even grab his hand, or rest his own at the dip of Jihoon's lower back, maybe. Then they would walk down the street, making small talk and laughing at each other's jokes. Perhaps they'd spot a cute dog walking by, and gush about it. They'd both get a slurpee and stop by the nearest park on their way home because the night was still young and they had nowhere else to be.  
  
But that's not how it went. None of that happened outside of Jihoon's fantasies. Instead, Joshua had gone out with Soonyoung. Jihoon wasn't gonna give up completely though. He still hadn't gotten his slurpee, and he was really craving the delicious treat. Therefore, he once again did his best to collect all the courage he could find within himself, before leaving his shared bedroom in search of Jisoo. He strolled through the apartment, his sock-clad feet making little thumps with each step he took. First on his list was the common area, he could hear the TV on and muffled voices mixing in with the sound of some talk show. But when he reached the doorway Jisoo was nowhere to be found. He sighed, silently begging any god that was willing to listen, that Jisoo would actually be in the apartment this time.  
  
He stopped briefly to weigh his options; he could easily just leave the room and look somewhere else, no one seemed to have noticed him yet. Or he could ask if anyone actually knew of the LA native's whereabouts. He ruled out the first option and stepped further into the room, making himself noticeable to the members already present. He was met with various greetings, but simply spit out the words "Where's Jisoo?" before he could change his mind and run away or something. That would ruin his whole plan. He paid no mind to the few amused looks he received, luckily no one seemed offended at his lack of manners. "Ah, I think he's with Seungcheol and Soonyoung? They're playing video games or something"  
  
Jihoon was out of the room and back in the hallway, throwing a barely comprehensible 'thank you' behind him. He wasn't too happy about Jisoo spending even more time with Soonyoung, even if Seungcheol was there too. And he had to remind himself how ludicrous that is. It's absolutely ridiculous and he should be happy that no one knew what he just thought. Soonyoung is a great guy, and of course, Jisoo can hang out with whoever he wants. Jihoon has got to remember that, even if he might get jealous sometimes.  
  
When he reaches the end of the hallway he once again stops in the doorway. He can see Jisoo this time, leaning on the back of the chair that Seungcheol is sitting in. He's not playing at the moment, just watching the other two compete in Mario Kart.  Jihoon stands still, taking a minute just to admire Jisoo. He doesn't know how long he stays there, but it's long enough for his courage to shrivel up and die in a corner of his mind. He takes a reluctant step back, ready to be welcomed by his bed with open arms.  
  
He's just turned around when a voice holds him back for a few lingering moments. "Jihoon, come watch with me. These two won't let me play anymore!" And he tries, he really does, to catch that last bit of courage before it leaves him completely, but it's too late. It's all gone and Jihoon finds himself unable to do much else other than look back and offer a weak smile to Jisoo, shaking his head softly. He walks back into the living room, where they were watching TV. He doesn't say anything, just curls up in a chair by himself, staring at the screen with a dismal look covering his features. No one mentions it. He receives a few questioning glances, followed by the others sharing questioning looks between themselves, but he pays no attention to any of it. He continues watching the TV screen with feigned interest.  
  
\-----  
  
It's around 8:19 am on a Saturday, and all thirteen members of seventeen have been up for at least a couple of hours already. With their next comeback making an appearance soon, they were putting in long days to make sure that all their new dance routines were sitting perfectly, and that none of the old ones (still being used) would be forgotten. It was exhausting but totally worth it, they all agreed. They wanted to improve themselves and give their fans something of the best possible quality. But Jihoon was exhausted, and as they finally finished the last steps of the song, playing rather loudly from the speakers, about half of the group members fell to the floor (Jihoon being one of them). There were various groans and complaints thrown around, with a few uplifting comments scattered in between (from the less drained members).  
  
Also launched into the mix of sounds was the noise of water bottles being opened. Which, yeah Jihoon had forgotten his back at the dorms. He had realized his mistake soon after they arrived earlier in the morning but figured he could just get a glass of water from the faucet. He hadn't thought of how bad that water actually tasted though, and even in this state, it wasn't something he was willing to subject himself to. He was eternally grateful when someone shoved their half-empty bottle into his chest. He grabbed it with sluggish hands, looking up to smile at whoever his savior was, only to get his breath taken away when his eyes met those of Jisoo's. The LA native gave him a soft smile, one that never failed to remind the younger boy how much the elder cared for his members.  
  
"Thanks." The words were pushed out of him and left his chest feeling empty afterward. "No problem." Jisoo sat down beside him, crossing his legs. "I noticed you forgot yours." The producer laid still, watching him carefully as he looked around the room. "Thought you might like some, I know you don't like the tap water here." Then he looked to his left and down at Jihoon, who felt like scrambling for something to hold onto, so he wouldn't float away or something equally stupid at the sensation of Jisoo's full and unwavering attention on him. It was scary and exhilarating. A painful reminder of how fond Jihoon was of him. They share soft, tiny smiles and for a moment it feels like the universe around them ceases to exist. It was a delightful moment and Jihoon despises himself for thinking such sappy, cliché thoughts. It's too early for all of this, he decides. "Okay, from the top!" Soonyoung claps his hands together, gathering all of their attention and Jihoon heaves out a long breath of air. He gets up nonetheless and then they dance.  
  
Practice goes on for another few hours. It's half past ten when they're allowed to leave. Some make plans to go out and eat, while some just want to go back to the dorm. Jihoon realizes a few seconds too late that this would probably be a good opportunity to ask Jisoo to go out with him and get slurpees. He scans the room quickly and notes that the other has definitely left already. He runs out the door in hopes of catching him before it's too late, but when he's caught up with the other he deflates, seeing that he's not alone. Of course, he's not, they all finished at the same time! Why would any of them be walking alone? Jihoon was probably the only one.  
  
He stops moving and watches dejectedly as Seokmin has his arm around Jisoo, they're laughing about something and Jihoon thinks they might as well be laughing at the leftovers from his shattered heart. He can hear someone walk up behind him, but he doesn't care. All his focus is on Seokmin who's stolen his Jisoo, and oh, that's slightly new. Jisoo is very much not his. There's a hand on his shoulder and he looks to his right seeing Minghao looking at him quizzically, he averts his eyes quickly. But when he looks to his left Seungkwan and Hansol are standing there, also looking at him. They're looking at him with what Jihoon thinks is sympathy and he hates how small it makes him feel. The thought that they probably know is too much right now, so he does his best to pull himself together. He puts on his best scowl and shakes Minghao's hand off before essentially stomping down the hallway where Seokmin and Jisoo had just been.  
  
When he reaches the dorm he heads straight to his shared bedroom, growling at anyone who tries to start a conversation with him. He crawls into bed, hiding there. He lets out a choked sob into his pillow, as the events of the last week sink in. He just wanted a slurpee, preferably in the company of Jisoo. Which is where things got complicated. Because as it is Jihoon has this massive crush on his friend and fellow group member, rendering him incapable of finding enough courage to actually do something about this. He lies there, crying into his pillow until there are no tears left to cry. He still doesn't get up though. It's getting exceedingly hot under the covers and the red-haired boy still has all his clothes on, but he makes no move to change this.  
  
Convincing himself that he's fine with laying like this until it's time to get up the next morning doesn't take long, which is sad really, considering that it's not even noon yet. But Jihoon is heartbroken and he feels as if that should count for something if only just a feeble excuse kept to himself. He was tired anyway, he could use the extra hours of sleep. He can hear Jisoo's voice at the back of his head, telling him that it doesn't work like that and that he'll just make it so that he’ll wake up, unable to sleep through the night. But he pointedly ignores it, not wanting to deal with being conscious anymore.  
  
\-----  
  
It's near 7 pm, later that same Saturday, when Jihoon is woken by Minghao. The younger has a hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly. "Hyung, you shouldn't sleep now. C'mon, wake up!" He's whining, so Jihoon reaches a hand out of his cocoon to pinch his arm. "Stop whining." Minghao retracts his hand quick as a death adder (it’s a snake, google it. It’s sonic fast), and a pained noise escapes through his lips. Jihoon doesn't care. He just wants to sleep. "Hyung, what's wrong? You're never like this." This time its Seungkwan and Jihoon carefully bat an eye open to see who's present. Minghao, Seungkwan, Hansol, Mingyu, Jun, and Chan are all positioned around his bed, looking at him with various degrees of confusion and worry on their faces.  
  
He presses the palms of his hands against his eyes, hard enough for colours to appear behind the closed lids. He groans then, not ready to have this conversation. "You've been acting weird lately" the '/we're worried about you/' goes unsaid, but it's implied. He sighs, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. Maybe he should just tell them and get it over with. They could mock him and then he could go back to sleep again, blissfully ignoring his pain while dreaming up worlds where Jisoo actually wanted to go out for slurpees with him. Not Soonyoung or Seokmin or anyone else.  
  
He settles for something simple. "How so?" Or at least he tried. He's not sure how simple the others find this question. To him, the words feel heavy on his tongue. He knows they were bound to notice something was off, he just hoped they would be kind enough not to confront him about it. Unfortunately, he had no such luck. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who went for simple though, as he only received a disapproving look. "Hyung" he couldn't stand the looks they were giving him, or the tone of voice they were using with him. "Stop looking at me like that!" Now he's the one whining, he knows but can't find it in himself to care. "Like what?" He sighs once more. "Like you're pitying me, it's no fun. Stop it." They look at each other then and judging by the seemingly unsure stares shared between them, maybe they hadn't talked this through all the way, beforehand. The thought brings a tinge of joy to the tired producer.  
  
It seemed that no one knew what to say after that. Minutes came and went with all of them just looking at each other before Jihoon grumbled. This was too much really. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me." He looks up and is met with all of them giving him the same look. One saying 'really? you expect us to believe that?' Mingyu pipes up then "tell us anyway, won't you?" And all of a sudden the heat from spending hours upon hours fully dressed under the covers is too much, it feels like he's going to suffocate any second now. Jihoon jumps out of bed, pushing past Minghao and Jun to find a different t-shirt and some shorts he could change into. He doesn't spare any of them another glance, only throws a "later" at them, before disappearing into the bathroom. He doesn't catch the defeated sighs leaving them as they retreat back into the living room to find something else to occupy themselves with.  
  
\-----  
  
It's 4 pm on a Monday when he's approached once more. None of them have a schedule at the moment and the others have managed to corner him. Everyone else is out so it’s only the seven of them, and Jihoon should probably have foreseen this. Should have accepted when Jeonghan and Jisoo had asked if he wanted to go shopping with them. Now they’ve cornered him and he can’t do anything except admit his defeat. „Jihoonie, it can’t possibly be as bad as you’re making it out to be?“ And it’s not, most likely he’s just blowing this out of proportion. Part of Jihoon knows this, a bigger part, however, doesn’t care about the fact and decides to do its own thing.  
  
„You can tell us hyung, you know that right? We won’t tell the others if you want, it can be our secret.“ Chan is looking at him with such care and there’s honesty in his words. Jihoon knows that they won’t tell a living soul as long as he tells them not to. But that doesn’t make up for his lack of knowledge on how to approach the topic. He doesn’t know how to tell them that he’s sad because of Jisoo. Because Jisoo is spending time with Soonyoung and Seokmin, getting slurpees and having a blast with them rather than himself. It’s a petty thought, and he has no right to feel this way.  
  
„I know.“ The words hang in the air for a moment. Jihoon runs a hand through his hair, messing it up. „Is it... is it about Jisoo?“ He wasn’t prepared for that to be the next question, his heart skips a beat and then beats twice as fast compared to its usual pace. „Did you two have a fight? “ At that Jihoon almost feels like he can breathe a little lighter. Good, they don’t know, they’re just guessing. „No. Yes, but no.“ They’re looking at him, their faces laced with confusion. He lets his hand move from its tight grip on his hair to rub at his face. „I don’t know! I mean, sure it’s about him, but we didn’t fight. He hasn’t done anything wrong, not really.“  
  
They’re still not convinced it seems so he tries to give them what’s supposed to be a reassuring smile, but he’s sure they can see right through it. Nevertheless, they don’t comment on it. „Okay, so then what is it?“ Jihoon is way out of his depth. He has no idea what he’s expected to say, which words he’s meant to use. He stutters, trying to tell them something anything, but nothing comes out. They sit down then, finding room on a chair or the couch, Mingyu and Hansol even taking residence on the coffee table (Seungcheol would definitely scold them if he knew, telling them that it wasn’t meant to support the weight of two young men).  
  
The singer thinks he must look pitiful, absolutely pathetic. He sure feels like it. „It’s okay, take your time.“ Minghao’s voice holds such patience and fuck, now Jihoon can feel his eyes tearing up. He really doesn’t wanna start crying now, but then Seungkwan scooch closer and pulls him into a sideways hug, and Jihoon can feel something inside of him break as he lets out a loud sob and tears starts rolling down his cheeks. Seungkwan only pulls him in even tighter, pressing a soft kiss into his hair and humming softly to try and sooth the elder.  
  
None of them had expected him to break down, let alone this quickly. Jihoon usually didn’t let any of them see him cry, so this was special. The moment feels fragile, and at this point, they’re all out of their depth. He eventually manages to calm down, enough so that he pulls back a little instead of shoving constantly into Seungkwan. Though when the younger mistakes his actions as a sign that he wants no skinship whatsoever, a strangled noise parts through the red head's lips. It surprised not only the younger vocalist but the others as well, including Jihoon himself.  
  
He can feel his face getting warmer but makes no move to hide it from his friends. After all, if they didn’t think different of him so far blushing wouldn’t be the thing to push it. Right? But what he needed to say might. Jihoon still finds the idea of saying his feelings out loud scary. He’s never done such a thing before. At least not about his feeling for Jisoo anyway.  
  
„Go on then.“ Jun probably didn’t mean to come off as impatient, but Jihoon still feels a pang of hurt swell within him. „I don’t,“ he looks around helplessly as if hoping the right words would appear on the walls surrounding their little group. „I don’t know how!“ He figures that he sounds truly desperate then. It’s evident in all of their reactions. They pity him, without even knowing what’s the cause of his distress.  
  
„Try anyway. It might be easier once you get started, you know.“ It’s good advice, but Jihoon doesn’t care for it. For some reason, he feels more like spewing a bunch of unnecessarily rude remarks at them, before fleeing the room. Maybe go to the cinema a few blocks down and see if they’re playing any movies at this time of day.  
  
„It’s just that, I don’t, he can’t- no. Why does he have to be with Soonyoung and Seokmin all the time?!“ Jihoon’s positive that he sounds more like a toddler throwing a tantrum, rather than an adult trying to convey to his friends that he’s possibly definitely harboring romantic feelings for a different, mutual friend of theirs. They all seem a bit more relaxed now though, less tense. „Oh my god, don’t tell me you’re jealous of them spending time with Jisoo? They haven’t even been together that much?!“ Seungkwan deadpans.  
  
Jihoon huffs, refusing to meet any of their eyes. „Why don’t you just ask him to spend some time with you then, friends can do that you know.“ And of course Jihoon knows. He’s fully aware and has been trying to convince himself of this for at least a week now, probably. But he doesn’t want to be just friends! He wants something more, something he can’t have, and it’s making him all nervous and shit. It’s honestly dreadful.  
  
He sighs, his shoulders feel weighed down and he feels his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach when he’s incapable of finishing his next sentence „Yeah, but what if.“ It hangs in the air, the unsaid words mocking Jihoon in such a painful way that he can feel fresh tears threatening to spill. „What if what, hyung?“ Chan sounds like he might be on the verge of tears as well. Jihoon spares a quick glance his way, confirming his suspicions, but he doesn’t understand why.  
  
„What if that’s not what I-“ He burst out into tears again. He can feel Seungkwan pull him a bit closer again, Mingyu squeezing in to fit on the other side of him so that he can comfortably run his fingers through Jihoon’s hair. It’s a comforting gesture, one Jihoon appreciates dearly, but can’t find the words to say as much. He figures the way he leans into the younger’s touch is enough of a response.  
  
„What if that’s not all you want.“ The words sound final, bringing everyone’s gaze towards Minghao. „What if you want something more? Am I right?“ Jihoon nods, giving a non-verbal answer. He doesn’t know what to feel or even think, his mind is going haywire right now. He’s too ashamed to meet the Chinese boy’s eyes. He settles for staring at his chin instead. There are still tears cascading down Jihoon’s face, and he’s constantly sniffling as his nose is running now, due to all the crying he’s doing.  
  
Someone mutters the words „oh hyung“ before he’s pulled into a tight embrace. He’s not sure who’s hugging him, or if it’s more than one person, but it feels needed. He clings to the person, winding his arms around them and clutching at their shirt. He’s forcefully pulling them even closer, although they’re already as close as humanly possible. „I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!“ He’s wailing into the other person's chest now, unable to contain the many apologies tumbling out of him. It’s like a damn has been broken and now he can’t stop the words from flowing. His ears almost miss the soothing whispers of „It’s okay, you didn’t do anything wrong.“ voiced into his left ear.  
  
\-----  
  
It’s 6:23pm the same day, and Jihoon has calmed down. The seven of them have somehow managed to fit all of them onto one couch, and have spent the last forty minutes or so watching The Lion King 1 1/2. Jihoon is curled up in the middle, and for once he’s truly enjoying the members’ idea of cuddling. It’s warm and comforting. Plus, he feels loved. Sure, it’s not the type of love he originally wished for (the kind where Jisoo reciprocated the feelings he has for the LA boy), but he figures it’s the next best thing.  
  
They’re about halfway through the movie when Jihoon registers the sound of the front door opening and footsteps alongside boasting laughter entering the dorm. The others notice as well, only a split second later. Sharing a quick, knowing, look with each other without Jihoon noticing. He doesn’t take notice of the arms around him tightening slightly, too focused on the still empty doorway. He’s stopped paying attention to the movie for the moment, waiting to see when Jisoo will appear in his line of vision.  
  
The footsteps grow louder as they get closer and then Jeonghan presents himself, followed closely by the happily unknowing cause of Jihoon’s newfound stress, aka Joshua Hong. Jeonghan passes by without bothering to start a conversation, probably headed to his room to put away the shopping bags he’s carrying. Jihoon doesn’t pay him much attention, quickly switching his focus over onto Jisoo, only to become startled when he meets Jisoo’s eyes. He’s already looking at him, it’s a quizzical look holding enough dominance to make Jihoon squirm.  
  
He averts his eyes looking back to the TV screen. He’s pretending to pay attention, and after a couple of minutes, he finds that he’s successful. He rests back on the couch, leaning more of his weight onto Jun who’s pressed up against his right side. He doesn’t notice the confused look on Jisoo’s face as he sees this, or the hurt that graces his features at the dissatisfied look he receives from some of the others, also seated on the worn couch. Jisoo leaves the room, his steps echoing loudly from down the hall, and Jihoon lets out a soft breath of air as he feels a small press of lips to the side of his head. Everything is going to be fine.    
  
\-----  
  
It’s approximately 1:48 pm on a Thursday and everything is not fine. As a matter of fact, everything has gone to shit. Jihoon isn’t sure whether it’s due to him crumbling and letting his secret be known, and the universe deciding to punish him for it, or if it’s just a coincidence. Maybe it was a fixed point in time? Jihoon had read about those somewhere, or maybe it was part of a movie he’d seen? Either way, point is that it’s a very legitimate possibility.    
  
After his crying session with the others, they had become even closer than they were previously, which hadn’t gone completely unnoticed by the 95 line, Soonyoung, and Seokmin. Wonwoo had been briefed on the situation by Mingyu, with Jihoon’s permission of course. But the other five was curious as to what had happened to cause the others to form such an exclusive bond. Perhaps Jihoon showing more skinship with just the six of them also had a jarring effect. Just maybe.  
  
But what has really sent Jihoon into a frenzy of depressed, confused crying sessions is how Joshua has started putting more distance between them. He will spend most of his time with the other members, such as Seungcheol and Jeonghan, but it isn’t rare to catch him with Soonyoung either. He spends time with all of the members regularly, except for one. He will always come up with something so that he won’t have to spend time alone with Jihoon. On the rare times that he doesn’t make up an excuse, their time spent together is awkward and tense. Jihoon hates it.  
  
„I just don’t understand why he’s doing this.“ Seungkwan voices everyone’s thoughts, receiving a few concurring hums. „Obviously it’s because of me.“ Jihoon feels that the others are about to protest, can see it on their faces. „But I can’t see what it is that I’ve done wrong?“ He curls into Chan’s side, looking for comfort. A previously quite unusual sight to be able to witness. „You’ve done nothing wrong hyung,“ Mingyu sighs. He sounds so sure of himself that Jihoon almost believes him then. But he can’t help himself when it comes to doubting Mingyu’s words.  
  
\-----  
  
It’s almost 5 pm and everyone is gathered in the dorm’s living room, watching TV. They’re watching some cooking show, but all Jihoon can focus on is how Jisoo hasn’t said a word to him all day. He barely smiled at him during breakfast! It feels like too much. He can feel tears well up in his eyes, and he’s trying to hold them back, but he doesn’t know how. This is most definitely not the right time to bawl his eyes out. Yet it’s all so overwhelming and too much with the way Jisoo isn’t giving him any attention at all, and how Soonyoung and Seokmin spend way more time with him than usual.  
  
The last drop comes in the form of Jisoo and Seungcheol, all cuddled up on the sofa. Jihoon has never before felt so fucking stupid for looking at his surroundings. It’s like his eyes live a life of their own, always locating his crush when Jisoo is in the same room as him. It’s too much and Jihoon doesn’t manage to hold back as a frustrated groan leaves him. Everyone hears it. Half of the looks are knowing, also sneaking glances towards Jisoo’s direction.  
  
Jihoon shuts his eyes and practically dives into Jun, who’s sitting next to him. Why is he so embarrassing? He’s shoving his face into Jun’s neck, and when Soonyoung asks what’s going on Mingyu and Seungkwan shushes him in a dismissing way. Jihoon loves his protective friends. He can feel Jun hesitantly play with his hair, obviously a bit uncomfortable with the way things are progressing, but still wanting to comfort. He’s gonna buy them all the best birthday present ever, the next time it’s their birthday.  
  
The following minutes are mostly quiet, except for the TV that’s still playing in the background. And in the end, it’s Seungcheol who breaks the silence. „Jihoon, what’s wrong?“ The young producer can feel Jun get tense, knows his own body is doing the same thing. He can also hear Seungkwan grumble about careless, invasive, hyungs under his breath. If he wasn’t filled to the brim with dread he probably would have chuckled at him.  
  
„It’s nothing. Go back to the show or something. I’m fine.“ Jihoon knows that he doesn’t sound the least bit convincing. Not even close with the way his voice breaks and he has to stop in between words because he’s still crying dammit. „Don’t lie, something is obviously wrong!“ Seungcheol seems enraged, but it’s likely that it stems from how much he loves and cares for his members, and not Jihoon’s reluctance to tell him the truth.  
  
Then Minghao speaks up, and it seems like he’s challenging Seungcheol’s authority judging by the tone of his voice. „Let it rest hyung.“ Jihoon turns his head slightly to catch a glimpse of the members. Minghao’s words are accompanied by a stone cold stare in the leader’s direction. „What no?! What’s going on with you anyway? You’ve all been acting strange for weeks now! What are you up to, huh?“ Jun wraps both arms around Jihoon, clinging tight. At the other end of the couch, Mingyu is crawling closer towards Vernon, also in search of comfort, and the latter takes a hold of his hands to stroke the skin there with his thumb.  
  
„With all due respect, it’s none of your business. So please drop it hyung.“ Jihoon thinks his friends are stupid, but he can’t think of a time where he’s loved Minghao any more than he does right at this moment. „No one’s going to bed before we’ve settled this.“ This time its Jihoon who tightens his hold on Jun, who in return leans down a bit to murmur into his ear. „It’s okay, nothing bad is gonna happen. You’re safe.“ It’s said in a calming manner, and serves its purpose, calming him down enough to sit up a bit straighter.  
  
„Seungcheol hyung“ Jihoon feels as if someone else is speaking the words, like the voice doesn’t belong to him, but it’s his voice albeit it sounds hoarse. „Don’t lie to me.“ Seungcheol interrupts, staring at him in such an intense way that Jihoon thinks he might have to confess in front of everyone. The younger of the two heaves a sigh, closing his eyes for just a few seconds, trying to collect himself.  
  
„It’s just,“ he pauses, wets his chapped lips to buy himself some more time. „I’ve had a rough day, it’s been, I’m just more stressed than usual.“ The eye contact is brief, but Jihoon figures he should at least try, it could be the thing that wins him over. He’s eternally grateful when Chan speaks up „We’ve got the comeback which has been tough on all of us, but Jihoon hyung produces as well, so he’s probably tired!“  
  
It feels like forever and they’re all holding their breaths waiting for the verdict. „Okay, hope you feel better once it all calms down a bit.“ It’s not Seungcheol, but Jisoo who speaks then. Jihoon was so not prepared, his head snaps towards where the oldest members are all sitting together. He just stares at the elder, probably looking like a deer in headlights.  
  
„Yeah, sorry for giving you such a hard time about it.“ Seungcheol nods at him, as a form of physical apology, before turning back towards the TV. None of that registers in Jihoon’s mind though. He’s too caught up in the soft smile Jisoo had worn when talking to him. He actually talked to him! Not only that but he also got Seungcheol to back off. And fuck, Jihoon belatedly realizes that they’re still holding eye contact.  
  
It's like Jisoo's stare has some kind of supernatural power, keeping him frozen in place. Jihoon got too caught up in his own thoughts, and now he can't seem to look away. He tries telling himself that the moment is over, he can go back to watching people making food for other's entertainment. But it's like his body's refusing to listen.  
  
In the end, it's Jisoo who ends up looking away.  It gives Jihoon a whole bunch of mixed feelings that he's unwilling to reflect on right now. He shakes his head, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, trying to also relax his shoulders. He needs to get a grip, he can't keep going like this. He turns back around, giving Jun's arm a squeeze and a tight-lipped smile before returning his gaze to the TV.  
  
\-----  
  
It's around 11:43 pm on a Friday and Jihoon isn't sure whether or not he should thank or hit Mingyu. The rapper had somehow managed to get Jisoo and Jihoon alone together. Jihoon really is not sure how though he supposes Mingyu deserves some sort of price for that alone.  
  
He'd asked them both if they wanted to go get slurpees with him, but now he's backing out, spewing some crap about how he forgot he and Vernon had made plans together. The cherry on top had been when he turned to the other singer and told him that the two of them should go anyway, grinning big.  
  
Jihoon really wanted to strangle Mingyu right now. He really did, but all of a sudden he has to postpone his plans because Jisoo is actually going along with it. He's nodding his head, glancing over at Jihoon before vocalizing his agreement. "Yeah, yeah sure. We can do that if you're up for it Jihoon?"  
  
Of course he's up for it. He can't think of a moment he's ever been more up for anything. He should play it cool though. Surely it wouldn't look good to act as enthusiastic as he feels at the moment. He settles for a head nod. "Sure."  
  
\-----  
  
It's 11:56 pm and Jihoon has finally gotten his wish fulfilled. So, why does he feels so empty still? Jisoo is walking down the street beside him and he can spot the 7-eleven at the next street corner. "So," the elder started. "Can you maybe tell me what's been going on between us lately?" Their eyes meet for a brief second before they both avert their gaze downwards.  
  
"It's nothing really." He's weighing his words carefully before letting them out, scared that he might push the other even further away. They continue walking in silence until they reach the shop. When they arrive Jihoon's heart flutters as Jisoo holds the door open for him. Jihoon thinks that his heart is stupid.  
  
They walk inside and pick out their slurpees and to Jihoon's big surprise, and utter mortification Jisoo insists that he pays for the both of them. "Hyung I can pay for myself!" Jisoo simply smiles at the cashier as he pays. "I don't care. It's my treat." The younger sighs admitting defeat as he takes his cup, ready to leave.  
  
They walk around aimlessly for a while not talking much. Eventually, they end up in a park and Jihoon belatedly realises that this is whole night is unfolding exactly like his fantasy. Except for the part where they're not talking to each other.  
  
"Fine," The redhead starts as he halts in his steps. "Let's just get this over with." Jisoo looks slightly taken aback, not expecting Jihoon's sudden change of heart. "But before you ask again; I don't know what's been going on between us," Their eyes meet, neither willing to break the contact this time. "I was sort of under the impression that you knew though." This emits a snort from Jisoo.  
  
They move towards a nearby swing set. "Jihoon," He pauses to wet his lips simultaneously making Jihoon weak in the knees. "If I've done something — anything please tell me." They both move to sit on the swings rocking back and forth in little, barely there, movements.  
  
Jihoon feels as if his heart is ready to burst with love for his mate. He wishes that he could pour it all out — explain to him that he's done nothing wrong. It's just Jihoon who's been acting a fool because he's been afraid of his own emotions.  
  
He's struggling to find the right words and when he thinks that he's finally got it Jisoo takes his hands into his own, successfully emptying Jihoon's mind completely. "I've really missed you, you know." And no, Jihoon does not know. But it's nice to hear.  
  
"You've done nothing wrong. It's important that you don't forget that. Uhm," It's hard to come up with something good to say when your crush is not only holding your hands in his but also staring into your eyes. "Uh and," As a matter of fact, Jihoon finds it to be impossible. He can't focus and in the end, he gets so frustrated that what comes out makes him want to dig his own grave and die immediately.  
  
Everything he's kept inside; From being afraid of his own feelings to the water bottle incident and how he's been needlessly jealous of other members. It all came pouring out of him.  
  
\-----  
  
It's somewhere past 12:15 am and Jihoon's brain has stopped working. He's currently sitting on a random swing set in the park near their dorm and his mind is positively blank because Hong Jisoo is kissing him. He's not sure how it happened or how they got here, but at some point, during Jihoon's confession he had stood up and grabbed his head in his hands before stepping in closer and bending down to press their lips together.  
  
Neither knows how long they stay that way but they eventually part. Jihoon can feel the elder's breath hit his lips, sending shivers down his spine. He's too afraid to open his eyes, scared that if he does the moment might shatter.  
  
Jisoo closes the distance again, this time pressing short kisses at the corner of Jihoon's lips, across his cheek ending at his jaw. He's resting his forehead against the side of Jihoon's head. "Please say something." Jihoon thinks he's forgotten how to breathe, let alone form words.  
  
"Thanks?" His response makes Jisoo laugh which in turn makes Jihoon laugh. "You're ridiculous." And Jihoon knows that he's probably right, but finds that it doesn't really matter as long as Jisoo's there with him. He says as much and then it's Jisoo's turn to thank him. Jihoon pulls Jisoo down to sit awkwardly on his lap and as the producer initiates the next proper kiss he decides that he never wants this moment to end.


End file.
